Nobody Really Cares About You

You’re the only person who really cares about you.

Life is tough, but so are you. Although, we tend to forget our own strength in the times we need it most. This is something I’ve come to notice throughout my first semester of law school. Despite learning about the basics of law, I’ve learned more about myself than anything, most importantly not to depend on anyone for comfort other than yourself. This is a hard pill to swallow because it’s very easy to seek comfort in a friend, a SO, your family or even the internet (Twitter was and still is my go-to confidant). However, if you look for relief in someone else’s hands, more often than not they will disappoint you, making your case not any better. This isn’t saying that the person you turn toward is not helpful. However, the help you seek is often not communicated well, if at all, therefore, your expectations are too high and the person won’t be able to deliver the help you desire.

I expect those I turn to for help to know what I’m looking for when I say “I’m not okay,” or better yet, “I’m fine.” Yet that’s not reality. When I say “I’m fine,” that doesn’t mean I’m fine. When I say, “it’s going to be okay,” I only half-heartedly believe that. When I say “don’t worry about me,” I actually mean you need to worry more about me. It’s not fair to those in my life that I speak in code, but I know I’m not the only one. It’s hard to ask for help, especially when it seems like you need help all the time. But at the end of the day, you need to remember that you’re only human and everyone has their moments. And in reality, because everyone tends to hide their weak moments, it’s really the strong ones who ask for help and mean it.

But I digress, like always. The point is not only to ask directly for help when you need it. The point is to acknowledge that you are not okay and find a solution that works for you; you are the answer to your problems. Finding comfort within yourself to solve your own issues makes everything come full circle and will give you peace of mind. But this is a feat I have yet to master. This semester has thrown me up and down, but mostly down. I’ve felt some of my lowest points over the last four months. Seeing as this is my first of six semesters, I need to make a change. I sulk, I cry, I stress eat and Tweet. That is how I’ve learned to cope with my stress, which in turn makes me feel worse. So I am on a journey to finding relief in myself because I shouldn’t and cannot rely on others to be the answer to my prayers. At the end of the day, I am the only one who can make me happy.

Groucho Marx once said, “Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” This is the motto I’ve tried to live my life after, and the motto I remind myself of every day. In the times I feel most sad (like right now, for example), I need to remember my strengths and forget about my weaknesses. I need to remember my “why’s” and my end goals to motivate me to keep going. I need to reevaluate what I’m doing and change what clearly isn’t working. And it’s so hard. But I’m also the only one who can do that for me. My friend isn’t going to do it for me. My mom isn’t going to do it for me. My dog isn’t going to do it for me. Only I can do it for myself.

The title of this post was a bit harsh because of course people care about you. It’s also incorrect to say that others can’t help you because that is simply not true. But you should care about yourself more than other people care about you. We forget to put ourselves first. This is why we need to find comfort within ourselves and be the solutions to our own problems. Our problems might also be “someone else’s problem” but in reality, your life is in your hands. If you can’t find solutions within yourself, you won’t be able to find them elsewhere. I struggle with this but it’s something I need to do to find complete happiness and fulfillment. Despite being the independent woman I claim to be, I need to be more dependent on myself.

But use your loved ones as guidance and support. We need them, too.

xoxo

-C